


Wanderlust

by JKlog



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Time, M/M, Sentinel Thursday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 12:28:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15640764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JKlog/pseuds/JKlog
Summary: Jim thinks Blair is going to leave and does something to stop him.





	1. Wanderlust

**Author's Note:**

> Two stories written for two Sentinel Thursday challenges, "direct" and "epiphany".  
> They're not betaed. English is my second language, my knowledge of it is limited, so there might be mistakes.  
> Hope you like them.

Challenge 607- direct

 

Blair was in a group study session at a friend's house. Jim took the opportunity to do the laundry. When he finished, he folded the clothes perfectly, putting them in two piles, one with his clothes and another with Blair's. Then he took Blair's pile of clothes to his small bedroom and left it on the bed, watching with disgust at the disorder. He wondered how his partner could live in that chaos.

There was an open notebook on the bed and Jim couldn’t help but read what was written on it, in Blair's handwriting that he knew so well.

_I feel wanderlust. I would like to get into my car and leave the city without any fixed destination. Just drive. Leave everything behind. Get rid of the bonds. I need to leave here and travel, travel and travel ..._

Jim felt as if a claw was clenching his heart. Blair wanted to leave. Blair was going to leave him. He couldn’t go on reading. He closed the notebook and dropped it on the bed. With an uncertain step, he left Blair's bedroom, went to the couch and sat down. With his elbows on his thighs and his head in his hands, he wondered what he was going to do about it. He had to do something. He couldn’t let his Guide go. Didn’t Blair know he needed him? Jim knew that without Blair he would suffer again as in the early days, when his senses just woke up. Although he had more control now, after two years, Jim thought it was Blair's presence that kept his senses appeased. He had to do something to make Blair abandon his desire to go. What could it be?

Suddenly, Jim lowered his hands and straightened his spine. Yes! He already knew what he had to do. Blair had been very strange lately. Jim had noticed that Blair's heart was racing when he saw Jim leave the bathroom with only a towel around his waist. There were moments, when they were sitting on the couch watching television, when he began to leak pheromones like crazy. And besides, it had been more than a month since he had a date with a woman. All this led him to think that his partner was attracted to him. There could be no other explanation. Although he had always thought that Blair was straight as an arrow. He had never smelled the scent of a man on him, when he came back late after leaving on a date. Always women. Was it that Sandburg was bisexual, but he repressed that aspect of his personality so as not to bother Jim? It could be. But that didn’t matter, what mattered was that he had in his hands the way to make Sandburg stay with him, if possible, forever.

He didn’t think Blair just wanted to have a passing relationship with him, after all, they lived together for two years. He was sure Blair loved him. Jim also loved Blair, even if it was only as a friend. It was something. So that his Guide didn’t leave, Jim was capable of any sacrifice. Including entering into a homosexual relationship, even if he wasn’t bisexual or anything.

Would it be too hard? Jim thought no, he didn’t think it’d be. After all, his friend was a very attractive man. Jim thought of his hair, his blue eyes, his lips, so sensual. No, it wouldn’t be so difficult. It would take him time to adjust to touching a man's body, instead of a woman's, but with Blair's help, he believed he would. Everything to keep his partner happy and in the loft, where he belonged.

He decided to take action, since Blair would arrive at any moment. He wouldn’t have time to cook a very elaborate meal, so a chicken stir fry would have to do. First, he took out a bottle of white wine that he had reserved for a special occasion. Then he started cooking. When the stir fry was ready, he set the table in the most romantic way possible. He would have liked to put flowers as a centerpiece, but some candles would be fine too. He stood by the table to admire his work. He was satisfied. Then he sat on the couch, watching television while waiting for his soon-to-be lover.

 

* * *

 

 

Blair came to the loft tired, thought he wasn’t even going to have dinner. He’d take a shower and go to bed. It had been a long day, between Rainier, the CPD and the study session. He hung his jacket on the hook and nodded absently at Jim. He made a beeline to his bedroom, to leave his backpack on the bed. When he came out, he saw Jim lighting the candles on the table.

"Hey, man, I didn’t know you had a date. You didn’t say anything. Would you mind if I stayed in my bedroom? With the door closed? I'm really tired... "

"This is for you, Chief. For both of us," said Jim, as he came near his friend, with two glasses of wine in his hands. He handed one to Blair, who took the glass and looked at it with a surprised face.

"What happened, Jim? Are we celebrating something?"

"Yes, Chief. Hope so. But let's have dinner first, then we'll talk."

Jim heated the stir fry a little and then served it on two plates. They both sat at the table and ate in silence. Jim looked from time to time at his roommate, who couldn’t erase the look of amazement on his face. When they finished eating, both brought the plates and cutlery to the sink. Blair was going to wash them, but Jim told him to leave them, which astonished the student even more. Jim led his partner to the sofa and then went to the table to serve two more glasses of wine. He gave one to Blair, sat next to him on the couch and said, "For us and our future together." And he raised his glass in toast.

Blair couldn’t take it anymore. "What's happening, Jim? Why the special dinner?"

Jim didn’t say anything. He left his glass on the coffee table, took the glass from Blair's hands and also left it there. Then he took Blair's head in his hands and brought his mouth to Blair's mouth. It was a very superficial kiss, but it served to explain what was happening. When Jim separated from Blair, he had his eyes open how big they were.

"Don’t look at me that way, Chief. You know as well as I do that we were heading to this point from some time ago. I can’t hide it any more. I'm in love with you."

Blair raised his hand and touched his lips, still with a face of astonishment.

"But, Jim, you're straight!"

"Yes, I thought I was, but apparently not. We can all change at a certain point in life, right?"

"I don’t think so, Jim. No one can change so suddenly. What happened? I want you to be direct with me."

 _Be direct with him?_ Jim thought. _If I tell him what is really happening, he will get mad at me._

"Come on, Jim, you can’t tell me you went from straight to gay in the blink of an eye. It's not possible. Something happened that made you say that and you're going to tell me what it was. Do you understand?"

Now Blair was frowning in a menacing expression. Jim looked down, in defeat. This wasn’t going as he had planned. Blair was too smart. He couldn’t hide the truth from him.

"I saw what you wrote," Jim said, in a very low voice, almost inaudible.

"What I wrote? What do you mean?" Jim looked up. "What you wrote in that notebook that is on your bed, about that you wanted to get out of here."

Now the expression on Blair's face was angry. "First of all, it's a real invasion of my privacy that you get to read my stuff. Second, 'that you wanted to get out of here’? Do you mean that this 'declaration of love' (Blair made gestures with his hands indicating the quotes) is because you thought I was going to leave? Is it like that?"

Jim looked down again. "I knew you were going to get mad."

Blair stared at the embarrassed man in front of him. He was really angry. All the seduction, the whole romantic dinner, the kiss, everything, was a lie. Jim had been capable of such a lie, just to keep Blair from leaving. Well, it had gone wrong, because now he would leave. Even if it broke his heart.

Blair got up from the couch and went to his bedroom. He took a duffel bag and began to fill it with clothes. Then he went to the bathroom and picked up his toiletries. He put some papers, books and his laptop in his backpack. He took everything to the door and put on his jacket.

"I'm going. Tomorrow I’ll come to pick up the rest of my things. If you need me, you know where to find me."

Jim didn’t look when he heard the door open and then close. He lowered his head and hid his face in his hands. He cried.

 

 


	2. Not to leave again.

Recycled challenge 123 - epiphany

 

Jim wiped his tears with the sleeve of his denim shirt. He didn’t understand why he was crying like a baby. Men don’t cry, and he was a man, a real man.

But he was very sad. His Guide was gone. The plan he had devised to make him stay had failed. More than failing, it had caused Blair to leave. Now what was he going to do, alone in the loft?

He washed the dishes, more to have something to do and not thinking, than to needing the cleaning. Then he prepared to go to sleep. He made sure the door and windows were closed, and went upstairs to his bedroom. He undressed and went to bed. After five minutes of being with his eyes closed, he realized that he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He was missing something. He lacked the sound of Blair's heartbeat. He hadn’t realized until now how much he depended on that sound to sleep peacefully. He got up, put on his robe and went downstairs. He stopped at the entrance to Blair's room and took a deep breath. The aroma of his friend invaded him. He smiled slightly. When he realized that that scent would fade with time, his smile faded. Well, he would enjoy it while it was there.

He entered the bedroom and lay down on Blair's bed. Maybe he could sleep there. He remembered the last words of his Guide. He had said that if he needed him, he knew where to find him. At Hargrove Hall, no doubt. So it was not a definitive break. There was still a thread of hope. Besides, he had said that the next day he would come and get his things. Jim thought he had to be home when his Guide came. He was going to ask Simon for a day off. But what was he going to say to Blair? That he had to stay? That he needed him? He already knew that. What could Jim tell him to convince him? Jim fell asleep with that question hovering around in his head.

 

* * *

 

 

_Jim was in the blue jungle he had seen in Peru when they had gone to rescue Simon and Daryl. The black jaguar was there, in front of the temple he had seen. The cat started to run and Jim followed him. They went through the middle of the jungle, until they came to a stream of clean waters. There was a gentle waterfall that fell on flat rocks._

_Under the falling water, there was a young man with shoulder-length hair, bathing, completely naked. He had his back to Jim. Jim felt a little excited when he saw the young man's broad back, round buttocks and strong legs. He wondered where that feeling came from. He had never felt anything like that when he saw the body of a man. But he felt it now. Suddenly, the young man turned around and Jim recognized him. It was Blair. He was with his eyes closed, sliding his hands over his body. Jim wished that his hands stroked that body. He realized that he was completely excited. He approached the waterfall._

_At that moment, Blair opened his eyes and saw him. His blue eyes seemed to have a light of their own. He smiled. It seemed that in this jungle Blair was not angry with him. Jim took off his clothes and went near the young man. He put his hands on Blair's chest and shouted, to be heard over the noise of the waterfall._

_"I love you!"_

_"I love you too!" Blair responded, shouting unnecessarily. Suddenly, both were on the bank of the stream, still naked and lying on the ground, holding each other. Jim liked how this alternate reality worked. He began to caress the body of his young lover, who also caressed him. Jim stopped when he reached Blair's crotch. It was strange to be touching another man's penis, but he didn’t dislike it. Quite the opposite. It excited him even more._

_He began to caress him, feeling a wave of deep love for that human being that was with him. Blair let out a moan of pleasure and closed his eyes, while also caressing Jim's erection. Both began to hurry the pace, until they reached the orgasm, shouting each one the name of the other._

_When their breathing returned to normal, they rose from the ground and walked hand in hand to the waterfall, where they washed the evidence of their lovemaking. Then they returned to the edge of the stream. They looked each other in the eye._

_"How I wish this was real!" Blair said._

_"It's real, Blair. I didn’t tell you before, but I saw this place when we were in Peru. It’s real. We are together."_

_"You mean it's not just a dream?"_

_"No, it's not a dream."_

_Jim buried his hands in the young man's mane and went near to kiss him. But he couldn’t._

 

* * *

 

 

Jim woke up in Blair's bed, feeling in his crotch the damp evidence of what had happened. He had been with Blair, sexually and spiritually. But he hadn’t been able to kiss him. He intended to do exactly that the next time he saw him. It would be the first time, because the kiss that he had given him when he still didn’t know what he felt, didn’t count.

He had had an epiphany, had realized that not only did he love Blair with all his heart, soul and mind, but he was also attracted to him, sexually. He didn’t have to pretend or sacrifice himself. His feelings were real, and corresponded. And he was going to say all that to Blair as soon as he saw him.

 

* * *

 

 

After calling Simon to ask for the day off, which astonished the Captain, Jim prepared breakfast. Scrambled eggs with toast and coffee. He sat at the table, reading the newspaper while he ate. He hoped he didn’t have to wait long for Blair.

If his lover (because that was what he was now) had understood what had happened in his spiritual encounter, he would come home very soon. He finished eating and washed the dishes. Then he sat on the couch with the newspaper.

At that moment he felt the noise of the engine of Blair's car approaching. It was unmistakable. Jim heard him getting out of the car and then up the stairs. His heartbeat was racing. He got up from the sofa to greet his partner.

When Blair opened the door, they both looked at each other, expectantly. Then they smiled, they didn’t need to say anything. Jim opened his arms and Blair ran to him, eager to be near his lover. They stayed that way, embraced, for a long moment. Blair could hear Jim's heart, had an ear stuck to his chest.

"I love you, Chief."

"I know, you already told me. I love you too."

"Did you bring your things?"

"Yes, they are in the car."

"I don’t want you to leave anymore."

"If it's up to me, Jim, I'll never leave again."

 

The end


End file.
